Spot the difference

[Soundtrack]

"When a gentleman and his girlfriend of two or three weeks are facing one another, phases of lively social interaction occur, alternating with phases of disengagement. Each phase of interaction begins with initiation and mutual greeting, builds up to an animated interchange comprising facial expressions and vocalizations, during which the girlfriend orients towards her beau with excited movements of arms and legs; then her activities gradually subside and end with the woman looking away for a spell before the next phase of interaction begins. 

Throughout these cycles the girlfriend is likely to be as spontaneously active as her boyfriend. Where their roles differ is in the timing of their responses. Whereas a girlfriend’s initiation and withdrawal from interaction tend to follow her own autonomous rhythm, a sensitive boyfriend regulates his behaviour so that it meshes with hers. In addition he modifies the form his behaviour takes to suit her: his voice is gentle but lower pitched than usual, his movements slowed, and each next action adjusted in form and timing according to how his girlfriend is performing. Thus he lets her call the tune and by a skilful interweaving of his own responses with her creates a dialogue.

The speed and efficiency with which these dialogues develop and the mutual enjoyment they give point clearly to each participant being preadapted to engage in them. On the one hand is the boyfriend’s intuitive readiness to allow his interventions to be paced by his girlfriend. On the other is the readiness with which the girlfriend’s rhythms shift gradually to take account of the timing of her boyfriend’s interventions. In a happily developing partnership each is adapting to the other."

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